Survival 101: Driving in Thailand

The air is warm but the wind blows mercilessly.  The sky thickens like a swarming host of locusts bearing down on a luckless farmers innocent crop.  I look down.  The speedometer reads a solid 100.  Kilometers that is.  My mind fills with crafty plots to evade the inevitable.  But it is for naught.  It always is.

I continue.  There's no alternative option now.  I'm too far along.

The innumerable potholes, nay, craters, with their maniacally unknown concavity, cut out of the ever-changing yet never-actualized road of construction, peer up as if to say, "Never in a million years, young Graves."  The long rode this lone, intrepid sole must traverse each day may forget, but it never forgives.  I ponder.  I deliberate.  Will I make it?  Has my ever-fluctuating karma sided with me today, for reasons I know not what of?  Could it be?

No.  Never.  Not on treks like this.  The odds will forever be stacked against a mere mortal as myself.  God himself rolls these dice; always in his favor.

A blackened, near cancer inducing plume of exhaust emits from the sickly tailpipe of a large semi truck as I wind my way past.  My mind races in anticipation of my next move in this chess game of carbon-combustion. To blink rattles my bones.  For at this clip, this pace of play, every subtle motion is amplified.  Every turn of the head, every throttle movement, every shift of momentum: we're in the big leagues now.

But then it comes.  Mother Nature struck her domino and the whole army toppled.  Noah's Arc has nothing on this.  It seems so carefully planned, so ingeniously plotted.  Like a cabal of seedy henchmen or a snare so fiendishly rigged to catch its prey.  I scream inside.  I may have a large line-up of asphalt adversaries, but nothing like...

...the RAIN.

Hard-fallen.  Dispassionately cool and so very unsympathetic.  It wins.  I must complete my trip, though now poorly clad in a wimpy, blue translucent poncho.  Ugh.  But deep down, we both know I return tomorrow.  I may be human, even foolhardy at times but perseverance bears a picture of me in the Oxford English Dictionary.  I will not stop.

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That was a relatively poetic dissertation of my Monday drive home this past week.  Driving in Thailand can be quite intense at times, in fact, most times.

I hope it illustrated just how dramatic one can be when caught up in a race home against the afternoon, monsoon-season clouds that have recently seem to appear DAILY.  A constant battle: can I make it home from school before the "Great Deluge."

The rain truly isn't that bad.  It can actually be kind of exciting.  You just need to make sure your valuables are stowed away, because despite a poncho, you'll be soaked, at least from the stomach down.

Not to sound presumptuous, but you haven't experienced driving until you've drivin a scooter in Thailand.  To fully describe it in one blog post would be quite the injustice.  I think I may write a book down the road.  A lone, intrepid sole just trying to make his way home after a long day of teaching hyper, "over-suggared" Thai children.

Here's a video recently shot of a small section of my drive home from school.  I have to give major props to my cohort Tyler 1, for his impressive camera skills as he winds his way in my wake, keeping me in frame the whole time.

This is us weaving through cars at a red light.  The red lights in Thailand can last as long as 3 minutes!  So the line of waiting cars can stack up significantly.  This is where having a scooter kicks a solid gluteus maximus. Commutes can be cut in half or even more by driving a scooter.

Here's another video.  Don't try this at home.  And don't worry mom and dad, I am a VERY responsible driver.  I know my limits.  I've only had 3 accidents since being here -- JUUUUST kidding.  No accidents.  No worries :)

Then you've got the more rural roads, which I occasionally take to see the countryside or drive to the ocean. It is very beautiful in the backroads, which are just 5 minutes from the school I teach at.  This is a video of one of the rural roads I take to see the ocean.

I think any video game development company would find their stocks quickly rising if they created a game about survival driving in Thailand.  The obstacles are innumerable and sometimes quiet entertaining, to say the least.

Field crabs, stray dogs, cats, roadkill, scooters and vehicles without brake lights, people, styrofoam, plastic bags, buses, police officers, monitor lizards...oh yeah, the list goes on...

An evening drive will prove just how silly some of these things are.  Many stray dogs will sleep right in the middle of the road.  People driving scooters down the wrong side of the road with NO lights.  If you thought you had to be alert during the day, oh brother, nighttime is where it's at.  Sadly, I have no nighttime driving videos, particularly because they wouldn't come out well and it's a little on the dangerous side.

Then there's the issue of Bangkok traffic.  Fortunately, I drive opposite of Bangkok to go to work.  But I've recently spent a few days there and, WOW, is about the only word that sums up just how bad it can be.

These'll give you a pretty good idea:

So if you're going to commute to, from and/or around Bangkok, take the BTS (Skytrain), subway or have a scooter.  To drive a car is simply to whittle weeks, possibly whole months, away from your life.

I'll stop at that for now.  Here are some final shots of some of the more rural roads I've traveled on near the school.

Thanks for reading!  Next post coming soon!